Last spring, we made two scarecrows for our local veggie garden, using clothing and accessories contributed by volunteers. On the left is Ima Nold Crone, who is holding her best selling self-help book entitled “Finding your Inner Scarecrow”. Sorry, the book is out of print now.

Ima's gown was designed by WalMart (no, really!) and was a steal at $5.99. It was XXL, this being WalMart. Ima is wearing hat and pearls designed for her in my basement mad scientist laboratory. Lovely!


Ima was accompanied by Gladys Notyourjob, shilling her own book about beating workplace stress. The title of Gladys’ book is “The Scariest Workplace” which subtitlingly promises that if you followed her advice, you too could be outstanding in your field. It does put your job into perspective, right? Not many people realize that there's a high rate of mental illness in the scarecrow profession. Plus the hours suck.

This morning I learned they are having a scarecrow contest this fall in the garden. While I’m slightly flattered that they’ve stolen my idea of creative scarecrows, I’m pretty sure contestants won’t have to work too hard to beat Ima and Gladys. Dammit! Why do I always give away my most creative ideas? I probably would be better off letting them fester inside me until they burst forth in an explosion of ingenious invention that leaves my admirers splattered with the juices of my inspiration. Or, as Sir Elton wisely said, “Then again, no”.