Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Interview with a Terrible Gardener

One impulse from a vernal wood
May teach you more of man,
Of moral evil and of good,
Than all the sages can.
- William Wordsworth

At what level of garden kitsch would you draw the line?

Just before I got a bunch of old tires from a junkyard; painted them white; lined both sides of the driveway with said recumbent tires, and planted strawberries in each wheel well.

How many times do you re-dial a number when you get a busy signal?
Once, each time.

What garden plant or decoration do you consider the most unfortunately and sadly overused?
Ceramic fairies crouching beneath cement toadstools.

What’s the punch line to the funniest joke you know?

It’s elephants all the way down, my friend.

What is the worst invasive pest you can imagine threatening your garden?
The dog that craps on my garden path. It’s not my imagination that makes me think I’ve stepped in a pile of shit. It’s quite real. As for imaginary pests, I suppose the most awful would have to be the ghost of the world’s worst Elvis Presley impersonator (the old, fat Elvis), haunting my garden and singing Midnight Train to Georgia.

If you ran for public office, what would your campaign poster slogan be?
Vote for me. What’s the worst that could happen?

How do you see yourself as a gardener?
By looking into a mirror.

What’s your ten-year garden plan?
For me to survive ten years, and keep on gardening the whole time.


Dawn said...

Too funny and some of it a true, really real reality!

Wendy said...

I thought it was funny too!

walk2write said...

I've heard it said somewhere that one gardener's kitsch is another one's kirsch. Would you consider sharing the rest of that joke? As for the worst invasive pest threatening my "garden"? It would have to be a spammer. For the real garden: the visitor who takes a tour, says nothing, but smirks while shaking his head.

kate smudges said...

This was good, WS!! I enjoyed reading it ... needed something funny since the weather gods conspired to keep me at home tonight. A lovely winter blizzard came flying in mid-afternoon and now the snow's about a foot deep and blowing like crazy. So, onward to the popcorn and midnight.

I'm trying to resolve to post more often to my blog ... I seem to have become stuck behind my camera and the words just don't want to flow.

Hope we both stay alive during the year!!

Martha in Michigan said...

You can Google the phrase, walk2write, and find the story and an interesting essay about blithe ignorance at http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/279/5357/1640.

WS, I think I must use that slogan next time I run for reelection....

Happy New Year, all! What's the worst that can happen?

walk2write said...

MIM, thank you for the link. At least now I'm not ignorant about one thing.