Some things I wish I knew, and other things I wish I didn’t know, in no particular order:
a. What ever happened to my tenth grade boyfriend’s dad’s 1961 Studebaker Lark.
b. Why people say “verbal” when they mean “oral” as in, “You can’t (sic) enforce a verbal contract.”
c. The difference between sanitary sewers and storm sewers.
d. Why my Mom’s term of endearment for me was “Poopsie”.
e. Why my Mom’s term of endearment for Dad was “Matricidal SOB”.
f. Where to get some really good 3-D glasses, not those crummy cardboard ones that came with Happy Meals circa 1988.
g. What Iraq had to do with September 11.
h. Where I put the joint I was saving for a special occasion
i. What happens to us when we die.
j. Why no one in my family talks about Uncle Steve’s missing fingers.
k. Where to get a really good haircut without an appointment.
l. How to fake interest in somebody else’s conversation when you’d rather be starting a trash can fire.
m. How to apply makeup while driving and using a hands-free cell phone.
n. The difference between hackneyed cliché and profound insight, even when I’m drunk. No, especially when I’m drunk.
o. The best way to throw the bowling ball when there’s a 7 – 10 split.
p. Why the former head of the Catholic Inquisition wants to reinstate the Latin mass.
q. How to use a hands-free cell phone.
r. What ever happened to Joan Politz.