Thursday, June 19, 2008


“The people of Texas are informed that in accordance with a proclamation from the Executive of the United States all slaves are free... They are informed that they will not be allowed to collect at military posts, and they will not be supported in idleness, either there or elsewhere.”
Major General Gordon Granger, June 19, 1865

According to the FBMS (Federal Bureau of Made-up Statistics) more than 82% of bloggers are illiterate, uninspired, filled with rage and undirected longing, and/or simply stupid. The FBMS report goes on to say that 83% of the remaining 18% are narcissistically focused on their own small patch of reality, which is, let’s face it, often of interest to fewer than 8 readers. This means that the chances of finding an interesting blog, written in a literate and engaging style, presenting a new and creative idea, or a new and creative take on an old idea, are vanishingly small.

So, if you’re reading this, it’s almost certainly not worth the effort. Your dogged persistence in reading says more about your stubborn nature than about my creative writing. Since you’re still here, I submit that you are probably like me, turning off your conscious mind and blindly surfing garden blogs for flashes of brilliance, insights so crisp and fresh they taste tart on your tongue, and combinations of words that make your eyes sparkle. Such a quest is very much like visiting my garden this time of year. There’s a lot to see, but viewed with a critical horticultural eye, much remains unkempt, uninspired, terribly neglected, or simply stupid. Not much sparkling, although the strawberries are sweet and tart.

Most gardeners can’t keep up this time of year. There are not enough hours in the days, even as the summer solstice approaches, to do all that the garden wants us to do. So, I stayed in the cool indoors this afternoon, surfing the web - supported in idleness just what General Granger warned us against. And that explains how I learned about June 19th.

According to the link above, “President Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation on January 1, 1863. It seems hard to believe that it took two-and-a-half years for the news to reach Texas”. So take a day off from your garden NOW. This is Emancipation Day, and it’s probably too hot outside anyway. Make yourself some iced tea or pour yourself a cool beer. If you don’t have indentured servants to stand at your side and cool you by languidly wafting fat palm fans, sit yourself in front of an old fan, or on a rocking chair in the shade. It’s almost summer time, and the gardener’s living is almost easy. Happy Junteenth.


greeny said...

-"unkempt, uninspired, terribly neglected, or simply stupid"- it's like you were reading my mind...literally, my mind is all of that so it would go that my garden would follow suite.

Honestly, I'm looking for any brilliant blogs about anything. I'm slightly bored and believe it's time to tune out and technologically speaking, disengage. I've managed quite nicely to turn my back on the crap that is TV.
But I expect to see your post here every chance you get.

Thanks for the tidbit of history.

kate smudges said...

I must have been doing much the same thing because at some point I read this same thing.

The FBMS makes for much better entertaining reading than the FBS. I hope you publish more from them.

I have to disagree with you though. Your writing is more creative than you are giving yourself credit for ... you've always got a refreshing take on life.