A message to The Young People

"I am not sure, Miss Worsley, that foreigners like yourself should cultivate likes or dislikes about the people they are invited to meet. Mrs. Allonby is very well born… It is said, of course, that she ran away twice before she was married. But you know how unfair people often are. I myself don't believe she ran away more than once."
- Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance, Act I

Turn your baseball cap around; pull up your pants; stop with the ridiculous tattoos, Stop paying $300 for a pair of tennis shoes. Stay in school.

According to a statistic I just made up for this post, 23% of young people in America today are at serious risk of behaving horribly, drooling uncontrollably, and becoming men and women of no importance by the time they’re 30, because they have been eating too many of those extra spicy Doritos and drinking too much Red Bull and staying up so late playing their violent video games.

Also, don’t smoke under the pansies. Just say no.