My Predictions for 2013, Part 2

“Bill Nye says ‘Yo science ain’t to paint a pretty picture’

Sculpt a brain, yo talk insane, inform your little sister

One last breath of fresh air till I dive into its game

I call it pseudo science, and it's all I'll ever need…

Well maybe he was right

No maybe he was wrong

Well maybe he was right

No maybe he was wrong

Well maybe he was right

No maybe he was wrong

I knew this all along

I knew this all along…

Bill Nye aint right babe, yeah he's fresh outta site babe

Like my sick minor chords, it's all just pseudo pseudo pseudo science

Bill Nye aint right babe, yeah he's fresh outta site babe

Like my sick minor chords, it's all just pseudo pseudo pseudo science"

 - Lexi Sayok, Pseudo Science

My rain gauge birdie says 3 inches of rain have fallen in my backyard this month. This might be an example of how Real Science works. Here are a few more of my unscientific predictions for the coming year.

#3. The truth will not set us free.

This coming year, I predict that Pseudoscience will continue to kick Real Science’s ass the way an aging school bully with an expired concealed carry permit schools his womenfolk by punching their faces and raping them. 

Left unresolved I predict that such misbehavior will, increasingly, escalate into the discharge of loaded weapons at anybody else presuming to judge Pseudoscience’s teaching methods.

By Real Science I mean provable, repeatable, conclusive facts - a system of reason that questions evidence, refutes it where possible, and repeats the results predictably.

And by Pseudoscience I mean a teaching (sic) method (sic) employed mainly in homeschools based on a syllabus that includes ancient myths, biblical wizardry, divinely inspired prophecy, belief in the improvable existence of gods devils garden fairies traditional marriage, and other spurious conclusions derived from these provably false premises.  By Pseudoscience, I mean a system of knowledge (sic) that prefers to equate the validity of facts revealed through real evidence with factoids revealed in Old Testament scenarios. By Pseudoscience I mean a system where meanings of scientific facts are as open to differing but equally valid interpretations as lessons taught by great literary works of fiction and/or the Bible.   

The definitions above are loosely paraphrased from the more lucid but less funny definitions here. 

#16. Conventional marriage will remain strong despite marriage of The Gays.

The threat to traditional marriage posed by gay marriage will take an unexpected turn when people notice that marriage is not a zero sum game. It will be conclusively proven this year that when the numbers of people who marry others of the same sex increases, the number of people who marry persons of the opposite sex will not decline. (This sequiter ™ brought to you by Real Science and enlightened viewers like you).

Either that, or defenders of marriage will pass draconian laws against The Gays with penalties that will make the punishment of Sodom and Gomorrah seem like a casual barbeque among a small group of friends; penalties that will seem more like a grease fire in a tenement as it smolders into a smoking hole in the ground.

Just remember this prediction: whatever direction the pendulum swings, it will swing on this issue in 2013 like a drunken sailor on a stripper’s pole.